Relationships
Oct 31st, 2008 by admin
Are friends or boyfriends your lifelines in getting through each day? Watch out! Expecting too much emotional support from others can really damage or ruin relationships, because nobody can be all that for you. Did you know true fulfillment only comes when you go to God with your deepdown hurts, needs, and desires? He won’t change, leave, or stop loving you . . . unlike people who will hurt you, quit on you, and eventually leave this earth. Relying on God for happiness and belonging will make you a secure, whole person others enjoy being around. You’ll also be able to love people in a healthy way, without unreasonable expectations or always worrying about getting hurt by them.
What are your thoughts on dating? Leave us a comment!
i dont belive in dating at the age that kids are dating at some start at 6th grade its sad, but we as girls are taught through fairytales like cinderella,and sleeping beauty we’re only valuable if were with a guy. in conclusion i agree with chad its more important to bulid a friend ship with that person than date them at first.
I agree with them that you should only date guys that have the same values and especially religion. I also think that girls should not be dating guys at such a young age. I am only 13 but there are 2nd graders with boyfriends and that is shocking. The guys that i know that have had 10 and up girlfriends don’t care about each one as much as someone should. I know a girl who has had 14 and thinks that dating is just a game and doesn’t think about how the guy that she is breaking up with feels. I like a guy who is a christian and he is so nice and sweet and takes his faith seriously. It is brave of him to be so emotional in front of his friends and that shows how much he loves god.
I went to revolve this past year and I thought that it was is amazing!!! It really opened up my eyes to what GOD can do. I also learned alot about relationships and how important communication is in a relationship! Chad, I love yor advice on everything!!!
<3
Abigail
I went to revolve this past year and I thought that it was is amazing!!! It really opened up my eyes to what GOD can do. I also learned alot about relationships and how important communication is in a relationship! Chad, I love your advice on everything! I also love your new book Guys like Girls who… It was amazing
<3
Abigail
well i got dumped about to weeks ago and i felt pretty sad but i like to date
I think that daiting is a good way to get to know the guy on a one on one relationship. P.S. i love the revolve tour because it has changed my life, and i can not wait till i go to the one in Philli!!!!!!!!
I think for many teens that dating would be a mistake. I like the Joshua Harris method of courting and getting to know your escort (?) on a more friend like basis.
I have had no exprience either way though.
i dont date. i feel that god will find the right guy when its time because he didnt design heartbreak. right now he wants to be the man in my life.
totally agree with this! except i think it is ok to rely on people, as long as its not more than god. like your church family is there for u to lean on and to lift you back up when you fall. and i think your bff’s and bf can also, if they are loyal and Christian, support you in times of need. but if you are relying on them for everything in your life, that is wrong because god should be your go-to guy. but you need some relyable people in your liife that will support you and you can trust no matter what!
i am 16 and have never had a boyfriend, but i have many friends who have and i wanted to share that boy’s should NOT control you! it makes me so mad when i see one of my friends torn between what she wants and what he wants…its just not a good situation. My suggestion would be to put God at the center of your relationship, and if you aren’t in a relationship Pray about it before you get into one. God is the only one who knows how are lives will turn out. We need to trust Him and follow His word.
I think that finding love isn’t the most important thing in anyone’s life but I do think that it can make people happy. don’t get me wrong it does make a lot of people go through depression and other horrible things like that but it is a good thing to experience 1 good relationship in your life. But do not depend on love to make you happy, or popular, or……normal. because a lot of people the same age have not found love yet. So if you are one of the luck or unlucky people to have found love you are not like everybody else
I will neverdate. My family does not believe in dating. We believe in not going out without permission from my dad to marry me so there are no broken hearts!
I believe that there are a few main things that dictate who I go out with. One biggie for me is they MUST be Christian, and not just the fake kind either. If the boy I like does not love God with all his heart then I have to try, even when it is hard, to shut out those feelings for him. I have learned that trying to have a dating relationship with a non-Christian is equally yoking yourself to non-Christians and it does not glorify God. Often times the relationship can become a trap, where you know it is wrong, yet you can’t get yourself out of it. The fact of the matter is, you can not change another person by yourself and the best thing is to pray for them and show them the way but as the saying goes’ “a womens heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him to find her.”
I feel that one thing that is very hard to find in a guy but is very, very special when you do is when the guy himself does not want anything physical because he knows that it would cause temptation and he want to honor God with EVERYTHING. I believe that a guy can honestly say that then he is a keeper.
The last thing that I will say right now on this matter is that many girls like to be role models, someone that others look up to and say “I want to be just like her.” I have noticed that people who honor God in everything EXCEPT their dating relationships are not someone that me and my friends want to look up to. The way you handle a relationship with a guy shows a lot about your heart and if that relationship is not clean, then I cant imagine what their relationship with God is like, not one that I would want to have is my guess.
I think that because dating is to find your future soul mate, it really shouldn’t begin until you are out of high school. I don’t date. I’m 14 and I am living a great life with my guy and girl friends. I think that when your in high school you have too much to worry about to be concerned about boys. God will bring the right guy for you in His timing. Don’t try to rush His timing, because His timing is perfect!
I think it really depends if your ready for it. If you just want to because everyone else is, then don’t. But if you want to do it because you prayed about it and you want to, and if its ok with you parents then go ahead.
Dearest girls:
I believe dating is only for getting information about the one you want to marry. We need to observe your beloved’s actions, listen to his words, learn about his past, and talk about his beliefs. This is how we can determin if he is the right one for you. What are his morals? Is he a Christian or believes in God? Does he want to never break God’s heart? If you can find a guy who doesn’t want to break God’s heart, then he will never want to break yours… because when our heart is broken, it breaks God’s heart. It is truly important to not overlook faults. Don’t think God will change his heart if there are problems in his life. Only the guy can change himself… by asking God to help him be all God wants him to be.
Have a backbone when you are in a relationship. EVERYONE wants to be loved. Hollywood makes love look like it’s all physical and fantasies. It’s not about what you feel, it’s about what you KNOW. It’s true you were to go in a candie shop, you wouldn’t want to buy a chocolate bar that has been bitten out of, fallen on the floor, with the wrapper missing. Don’t give yourself away, and don’t take away from your beloved. Go to God for love, and He will Show you who he has created just for you. Leave EVERY kiss, held hand, and more for marrige. It makes it all more special and new and right.
I think that guys are pigs and only want to be physical and I think that dating and dealing with that crap shouldn’t be until College
For starters dating for my age group (13) is walking around wearing someone’s jacket (if they’re a football player) and hanging out just enjoying each other’s company. If you know something about each other and our friends BEFORE you date. It works better to not just base ANY kind of relationship about looks or anything of that sort. I have seen this through friends.
I like two guys right now. Nathan the first guy I’ve like for about 2 years (1 year 10 months and 18 days. I just counted : ) ) I’ve known Nathan since we were 10. We are good friends, we can talk about anything, we know a LOT about each other. I feel secure around him and we really enjoy each others company. The other guy Jon I met in July, and we don’t know a whole lot about each other, but we our learning more cause we talk ALL the time. He can also make me smile whenever, and cheer me up when I need it, and I can return the favor.
Those are all important qualtities in a guy. They both go to church and my friends and my Mom like them. I believe it’s important to have a Christian as a boyfriend because you can rely on God to help you with the relationship. So in the end being friends with the guy, and being able to talk and hang out, being there for each other, and sharing the same faith are important to make a realtionship work in my eyes.
I think dating is a great chance to get to know guys. If you are already friends, things might work out better than if you aren’t friends. My boyfriend and I have been friends for our whole life and we are very happy together.
I’ve seen very close friends over the years get so hurt from dating…. of course their choices of people were not always the best….. but I guess it really depends on what your motives and boundaries are, and what kind of person you choose to date. And I also believe in chaperones - it’s just safer, and you’re held more accountable. + I believe that you should pray about it - a lot! Because God sees EVERYTHING, and He knows everything about that person, and you. And He just knows what’s best for you better than anybody
Chad is a guy, and expert on guys.
and i’ve gotta say he also knows girls
pretty well.
I think at a certain age,
+ maturity level, you can date
but id have to say that
especially under 13 is way too young.
I currently am in an amazing relationship
with a wonderul guy.
i also think if you are going
to date, that you have to find
someone who treats you right
and who knows that you are important.
Always feel appreciated.
But girls, if you want to date
just to have a guy say you are beautiful,
you dont need that.
you are all incredibly beautiful.
if you werent beautiful, then why
would God say that he made you more
beauitul than the stars, the sky, and the earth?
you ARE beautiful.
God is an amazing guy who can
tell you that everyday.
– listen to him. (God).
i think that, like everything else in life, dating is completly controlled by God. He’s not going to put you through anything you can’t handle or anything you’re not ready for. You shouldn’t be constantly looking for a guy to date or longing for someone to be with. Trust me, it’s a waste of time. Yes, it is fun to have a boyfriend, but it’s NOT necessary. When you have a boyfriend, you can’t experience the joys of being single, the way God designed it. A good song to remind you of this is “Average Girl” by Barlow Girl. Just listen to the lyrics. “No more dating, I’m just waiting. Like Sleeping Beauty, my prince will come for me. No more dating, I’m just waiting. Cause God is writing my love story.”
Every girl loves to feel beautiful and loved, especially when it’s coming from a guy you really like. Just remember that having a boyfriend isn’t everything. Many times, girls can isolate themselves from the rest of the world to be with their boyfriend. That turns out good. If you have a boyfriend, make sure you keep your priorities striaght. If you’re single, make the most of it! Have some fun.
I believe that dating is a process intended for marriage, and like any normal girl it is very hard not to want to be with the “special” boy. Becoming friends with them is soo much better in the long run. Also, for those that are looking in to dating, don’t make that boy your everything, because more than likely it will not last, and you will be left with nothing. Most younger guys are only looking for one thing, and we all know waht that is. Girl, just always remember your good girl friends when beginining a relationship with a man.
Purity to me is so much more than just abstaining from sex. It’s everything I experience. I’m saving myself so that when God does bring me the right guy, we can experience things together. How can I expect my guy to save something such as a first kiss if I can’t follow through myself? I’ve never had a boyfriend. I don’t date. To me, it’s only a label. I have awesome Christian guy friends that I can hang out with. I could date them, but what would be the point? I’m not looking for a husband right now! I’m gonna give my whole heart to my future spouse, not what’s already been picked over by other guys.
i never dated in high school, but i did meet my boyfriend in church and of coures when we met we were young and “dating” was the in thing to do. I have know my boyfreind for about 6 years and i think that us being friends for so long helped us alot. Its also nice to have someone who believes the same things and you because when the dont it can get complicated.
dont date until you are ready.
I think that we should start dating when we are ready to start thinking about marrage, because otherwise, whats the point? why date your best guy friend and ruining your friendship in middle- high school? i think you should just concentrate on God, and when the time is right, he will say so
Thanks so much! This really helped me. I have been caught up with relationships lately and this made a lot of sense! All guys I have been dating just turn out to be big jerks. This helped me realize that only god matters. Thanks again!
I used to want a boyfriend so bad and I always had one because all the guys like me and when I was single a new guy would ask me out and I just felt like I was important when I had a boyfriend. That was my life untill I went to revolve tour this year, Now I dont care if I have a boyfriend. I have alot of guy friends but I dont date them like I used to. Next year i will probably have one or two boyfriends but im not going to make a big deal out of having one.
I think that dating is kinda stupid at age 11,12, and 13 because you don’t really have any privacy and you have no car to drive in unless your parents take you but that would be awkward!! The revolve tour is also great with helping you understand relationships better!!
Dating is a emotional rollercoaster.Also unless you both trust each other,there is the constant wondering if the other is doing stuff behind the others back.Dating is like trying on boys,(or girls),like clothes.We try to see who fits.And in the prosses hearts get crushed,broken.Trust in others is broken,and its just a bunch of trouble and drama.Why not court?Since the whole point in dating is to find a partner,courting is a less dramatic way.I have made a commitment to God to stay pure and in that commitment I gave over dating.No mater what.
i think that dating should be something that you talk to god about first. even if its a huge temptation if a boy asks you out and he’s really cute, you talk to god. you should ask him when does he say that its ok to date. even though there are so manydistractions, its better if your focus is on god. i mean we are girls, we are going to like guys, but god is the one we should look to for awnsers.
PLEASE BRING THE REVOLVE TOUR TO NEW ENGLAND!!!!
I think you should wait intil atleast collage to date, because then he could at least be your true one. Also we are to young to get caried away and have that constent stress to date the guy. Besides whats the point of dating if your going to break up anyway? also it would be alot harder to date a guy who is not a christion..just a few things that i think!
I have never dated becuase i’ve always believed that God has the right person in mind for me and when the right guy and the right time comes along, I’ll know. I just don’t see the point in getting to know someone that God doesn’t want me to be with. I recently had a guy ask me out. He’s a nice guy and a new Christian, but it just wasn’t right. The timing was all wrong and I could feel it and that’s exactly what I told him. The weird part was that our college group had a really intense prayer meeting when we all pray together for one person at a time. Our leader is a 21 yr old who is very “in touch” with God(my words). She said that she felt lead to tel me that God is molding a special man for me. WOW! Right now I believe that God just wants me to concentrate on Him and I have grow closer to Him since this reassurance. He is definitlety the number one Man in my life!
I really think if you are a true christian you shouldnt be going out with someone
who is not. Even if you want to bring themm to christ . Is soo much easier to pull someone down then bring them up . but even if you should really pray hard about it.
like maybe pray hard , or fast about it. you should maybe even talk to your pastor or parents about it. the give out really good advice .
I think dating is perfectly fine. Yes its true, build a friendship first and folow Gods Rules
:)))
this isnt about dating but friendships. i really relied on my friends a lot and when they were off doing their own things w/ other girls, i felt really hurt and like they hated me and i tried my best 2 resolve it but didnt work. i asked God 2 help me and i felt His Hand on me until my school (which is a Christian school) had breakout (our chapel).
Dating… I think dating is alright if you don’t get to serious and you just keep it on the down low! I mean I think it’s okay to say o I have a boyfriend and everything just don’t think you’re ready for a serious relationship @ like 13-15. The things I hear @ school are ridiculous and these kids are way to young to do the things they are doing. (If you know what I mean) But right now I am currently single because I broke up with the guy I have been crushing on for like 2 years and I felt our relationship was getting to serious. I told him that and he told me he would change but he never did. So I just broke it off and I was very upset =( Currently we are talking about getting back together and we have talked a lot about our relationship ahead and how we don’t want it to get too serious. He goes to my church and is a hard core Christian. At this age (15, almost 16) theres no need to have serious relationships. Also any girl out there that needs advice… here it is!!! Don’t make a commitment when you’re not ready to be in a relationship and also get to know the person don’t just date someone because your friends think you should. Get to know the person before committing to something you’re not ready for. In your relationship TRUST is a big word! If you don’t TRUST then it’s not really going to work out.
I have this friend who goes through guys like going through paper. It’s pretty insane if you ask me but I am still there by her side and I tell her constantly that she needs to just wait and to pray to God about things but I don’t really know if she does or not. Sometimes she worries me! The thing is she’s always got problems that she HAS to tell me about and sometimes I have problems of my own to work out but i am still there to listen to hers. That’s when I made a new friend during volleyball season. She is the best friend you could ever find, and i’m not saying my other friend isn’t it’s just that she isn’t like my other friend!
Girls and guys… know what you’re doing when you commit to something! Don’t just date for looks and popularity! TTYL
I think that you should not go out with someone who you dont like. you should go out with them because you like them, not just to say you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
I don’t think it is right to date really young. My friend is only in 8th grade and is already expecting a kiss after only a couple months! The Lord is definitely a better guy to put your faith in than some immature boy who will break your heart.
I agree. I’m a sophomore and I have never had a boyfriend. Sometimes I look at girls with boyfriends and wish I could have one, but i’m surviving. Some junior highers I know are always dating and having a boyfriend, and either getting dumped or dumping them like every week. And then they’re all depressed and upset every time they get dumped. By the time they get to when dating really matters, they are going to be disallusioned about love, and mis out on a lot of the joys of dating that come with waiting until you reach dating maturity. I think girls should wait until at least freshman year, maybe even sophomore. Before then, boyfriens succeed in only complicating your life.
I have never been asked out b 4 so i guess u could say i dont date. i would love to though! i totally agree with Chad when it comes to being friends first. ’cause when ur dating somebody ur not really being yourself, ur putting up a front cause you want that person to really like you. i really like this guy at school, we’re friends and stuff, and if he ever asked me out(not that he would in a million years) i’d totally say YES. now if i’m just meeting a guy and he asked me i’d say no, i just met the guy 4 heaven sake!! Either way i have apsolutley no experance!
Also there is WAY 2 much drama when it comes to having a BF/GF. when my friends say they broke up with the BF, its usually because of something the guy did. if i ever get a BF i want him to be a strong christian. i’m 16 and never been kissed, i know a 12 year old thats pregant. that right there should say it all. we have our prioritys mixed up people! middle schoolers should not even be thinking about dating and having boyfriends or grilfriends. i dont even think we should have a spcific age were we say its alright to date. dating is for mature people, if your not mature enough to see that than your not mature enough to date. i’m homeschooled and i think homeschoolers have way more drama than public schoolers. yeah we might not have drugs and guns, but when it comes to this kinda thing…..
I think being homeschooled gives us an advantage too, we are able to learn everything from a biblical worldview. besides we can thank the mieda for this ‘if you dont have a boyfriend your not good enough’ mind set. God made us girls good, in fact the bible says He made us very good. just because you dont have a bf doesn’t take away from your value one bit. even though i’m just coming to realize that i believe it with my whole heart. i may get down sometimes cause i dont have someone who’s totally in too me and wants to be with me all the time. i do have that in my Heavenly Father. and for right now i am content to have just that, i’m willing to wait for my Prince Charming!!!!!;D
btw my motto is Dare to be Different, trust me it’s worth it. dont conform to this world, but be transformed in Christ!
Daring to be Different, AJ Coulter
well. dating is a big deal to me. I belive in abstanince. (: it’s a huge thing to me.
I dont care what otherpeople thinnk. they can get over it. (: anyways, I went to the Revolve TOur in Dallas. Itss awesomee. I wanna go again.. (: (: (: (: <3 Randee
hey chad,
um i just wanted to say that there is this girl in my class that is dating my boy friend and every one says that i am better looking than her but if i was then wouldn’t guys like me more then her? well um just to tell you i went to the revolve thing on november 14th and 15th in spokane! it was awsome and i thought that you were hilarious! i a really butt hurt that my mom didn’t go because if she did she most likely would have thought that the lead singer of Hawk Nelson was hot well i did but ya. oh by the way i am reading that book “guys like girls who” and i am on page 31 it is really good! well talk to you later bye!
i am not abel to date but no one likes me i have a girl and a boy in my calss oh are in the 8th grade and like each other some times i wenter what it would be like if some one liked me
my friend is in the 8th grade and has a boyfriend i think she is alitel young she is saved and ia prity chore he is not i think he is a bad influance on her
hi,
I’m 13 and yes I do have a bf.I think dating is ok but not physical. And only if God has it in ur plan. Yesterday was the dance and me and my bf went and we slowdanced like everyone else and we were both totally shocked to here that this other couple madeout rite there! I think that that is totally inappropaite … Yes a teacher broke them up … But wat a horrible example to set for the 6th graders… I thank God for my bf … We started out as friends and we both can act totally normal round eachother.but I no that he may give me support (he does) that God is the only true support … Girlies that are dating keep
that I’m mind. God before bf
Thanks Chad for all your great advice! It’s really helped me in my relationships with boys. I’m dating a guy right now, and we are doing awesome. He respects my boundaries, and he has the same boundaries I do. I’m so blessed to have him in my life, but before him comes God. Girls that start dating at 12 or 13 are to young to be dating in my opinion. Guys are way too immature at that age. I think it’s so much better to wait until you’re older, and always put God first in everything you do. Thanks guys for everything!!! Love you!
I am 14 years old, a freshman in high school, and happily a Christian. Yes, I have a boyfriend, and I just want to say if the intentions of have a boyfriend are right and holy then I think it is fine. My boyfriend is a year younger than me, but he is a sweet guy who respects me and listens to me when I think that something isn’t right. We do not kiss (except 2 pecks on the cheek.. teehee, *blush*), we occasionally hold hands, but we never do anything physical, and I will never let it turn to something physical. My boyfriend doesn’t know to much about God but he has made it clear that he wants to learn more. He has started a relationship with God, and I’m glad when he asks questions about God. We go to seperate schools, but we keep in touch. I’m glad that he is in my life because I think God sent him to me as a wonderful friend. Many people ask me what I see in him because I have had plenty of people that are curious about our relationship. I would say that I see him as a friend and a really nice guy who I believe I can trust and I really mind someday spending the rest of my life with. Not like I’m planning a wedding because I don’t want to go that far and then break my heart. I’m just say that I don’ think there is any point in dating if you can’t see yourself marrying that person. That is what I think dating was supposed to be. Meeting people to prepare and find the person you plan to live the rest of you life with. My parents know him, my youth group knows him, my friends, know him, I know his parents, and I’m happy to tell others. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents so I wasn’t the bit scared to tell them. I hope anyone that reads this would be able to do the same as I have, and I pray that all my sisters in Christ would find a wonderful person in their life. One thing though, just like I have always remembered, I ask that everyone else remembers this too… I will never put my boyfriend before my father and first husband, God… and I hope all of you guys will do the same. No matter what I may feel, my boyfriend may someday break my heart, but God never will. He will always be there for us all.
LOL (lot’s of love)
Sarah
I actually think that dating is ok. As long as you know that it isn’t the one you will marry, depending on your age. If you are still in like middle school, or around 9 or 10 grade, i think if you choose to date somebody, you should go into the relationship knowing you most likely wont marry this person. It helps when you break up to do this too. I got out of a relationship just yesterday. And i did have a really good relationship with the guy, cause we are both very laid back, and know we wont marry each other. And i know its the cool thing to say I love you and all. But at this age its not the same love as it is when you get married. I think thats it